Today's post continues my reflections after reading Beat
Generosity Burnout by Adam Grant & Reb Rebele in the Harvard Business
Review (link below).
Adam & Reb explain that my giving would be more effective if
I was more proactive (rather than reactive). So instead of being
all-things-to-all-people (= spread thin = worse for me, therefore less good
done for others), it's important for me to identify the ways I want to give,
and focus on bringing those skills to my relationships and organizations that
matter most to me.
I LOVED the six profiles of giving; just reading through them
was incredibly helpful in realizing I'm NOT being discerning in sharing my
talents. Copied from the article, Adam & Reb describe the following
profiles:
Experts share knowledge.
Coaches teach skills.
Mentors give advice and guidance.
Connectors make introductions.
Extra-milers show up
early, stay late, and volunteer for extra work.
Helpers provide hands-on task support and
emotional support.
So, I'm thinking aloud here: I have many individuals that
I coach & mentor as a giver (after all, that's my
professional work, too). Perhaps I should recognize that I can't really be the helpers
in their lives, as well. There's a board I'm on that recently asked me to step
up and become an expert; but as I'm already the expert on another board,
I think I just need to continue to be the extra-miler (with a monthly dose of connector
thrown in, as we strive to grow the work. When I think deeply about my
commitment to generosity with these profiles in mind, I'm coming to a big a-ha:
now that I'm raising teenagers, I need to keep my "helper" hat on for
them -- in fact, I want to carefully pull back from providing too much
emotional support to others (outside of my family), so I can be prepared for
the ebbs and flows of emotional TLC my kids seem to need right now (so often,
it comes via tears at 10:30 pm at night).
My haphazard generosity, if more carefully organized,
might help me decrease my resentfulness (after all, giving is supposed to be
joyful!) and also me be better a better helper, too. To personally propel this
concept forward, I'm going to make a list of my commitments and honestly label
the TOP 2 ways I feel I can be generous, as well as acknowledge the things I
need to do better (or even -- and I'll say it boldly -- let go of). Then, I'm
going to share with my husband, my #1 supporter and a kind truth-teller, too.
I'll share
more and wrap-up my own reflections will wrap-up tomorrow
What a lot of food for thought. Thank you for bringing this article to my attention! Your reflection is very wise. My kids are all grown, but I think you are absolutely right in pulling back to be there for your teens. Here's my 2-cent tip: Tears often come late at night, but decisions don't have to be made then. I told my kids, no decisions after 11:00. Best wishes to you!
ReplyDeleteInteresting to think of our commitments in terms of these six profiles. One line that made me smile: "My haphazard generosity, if more carefully organized, might help me decrease my resentfulness (after all, giving is supposed to be joyful!) and also me be better a better helper, too." I too can end up being resentful when I want to be joyful in my giving. Great think aloud and perfect way to share.
ReplyDelete