Okay... and not okay

I want a word that means
Okay and not okay.
More than that: a word that means
Devastated and stunned with joy.
I want the word that says
I feel it all at once.
  ~ Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer: https://grateful.org/resource/for-when-people-ask

Much of my writing here is finding the okay amongst the not okay. 

Today I was in Springfield Ohio, where people are being treated liked animals, and their hearts are breaking, and those broken hearts are too much to hold.

We fill out the forms, and do it carefully, without any promises but with hope in every keystroke.

We play with the child waiting 1, 2, 3 hours for a parent to navigate a hateful system that makes no sense, that does not see their humanity.

We stack the diapers, we organize the baby formula.

We wait for the translator, we give rides to get more paperwork, we offer snacks.

We talk quietly amongst each other, sharing lessons learned, passing along the ways to hold space, to exude love, to fully show up.

We check for tissues, we check the printer, we check our own hearts, our own devastation and make sure we reset, ready for tomorrow, to be a helper, to be okay.

May Pierre Damas Bel rest in heaven and may his family and friends find comfort.