Dinner with my "teacher friends"

A little hard to see, but it's a giant monogrammed "Dr. Goss" LL Bean bag

(the special gift I hinted at yesterday)

Last night, I had the joy of surprising a friend at her "You just got your doctorate! You've been running a school and writing a 200 page dissertation after 2 years straight of night classes, and you're a bright light in the world!" celebration.

Her bestie (also an educator) planned the dinner at a super-cool restaurant, where we lucked out with a outgoing waiter named Gabriel who could tell we were feeling the joy (if the cake, flowers, and swag bags hadn't given it away!). For over an hour, my friend took us through the past 8 months, from writing her first chapters, getting weekly coaching from her advisor who both pushed and supported her, then presenting to her committee, who shared back "vexing questions". We unpacked the beauty of that word, "vexing" - how it's different than "essential question", the solvability of something vexing, how it brings up emotions for us all. She finally took us through her final defense - and the huge honor (a reflection of her hard work) of completing the dissertation with no revisions - something truly rare.

Being with these friends took me back to a very specific moment in time, when Chicago welcomed single campus charter schools into the constellation of choices - schools that were not looking to replicate or compete, but wanting to do something very different than district schools were able to at the time. The women were founders (founding principal and founding teachers) at a school that tended to community relationships, family partnerships and social emotional learning as equals to academic learning. Their daily and weekly calendar and curriculum reflected this, the teachers they hired reflected this, their annual events reflected this commitment.

As accountability for all schools ramped up, it was challenging for them to say out loud that kids being emotionally healthy and present at school, receiving the support services they provided (small social groups, individual counseling) were long-term investments in children’s holistic health, and that might mean that test scores wouldn’t zoom up as quickly as external accountability folks might want. These women led with wide open hearts; they still do operate in the world that way. They believe that problems are a natural part of doing hard work, and the real test of our humanity is what we do on the hard days, not on the days when everything is easy. For many years, I was a consultant, an extra pair of hands at the school, supporting these founders who were striving to remain true to their foundational beliefs, the deeply held principles they founded the school on.

Last night, we reminisced about our spent in a classroom-turned-office and calming space for scholars. We'd be working on mandatory school improvement plans, fitting the round and warm peg of this school into the square and cold hole of required paperwork. There would be a kindergarten laying on a mat, sucking his thumb, humming to himself. There would be a sixth grader taking a test in the calm environment of this office. There would be an eighth grader, knocking on the door for a check-in conversation, knowing that the principal's door was truly always open to her students.

Competition has overtaken so much of our world in education. Competition and polarization, too. This little school, serving 400 kids, and now two generations of families in their neighborhood, still has to fight to exist. And so many public schools also have to fight to exist right now, under-funded, targeted by extreme politicians preferring to fund for-profit virtual learning centers or exclusive Christian schools with our public dollars, and people in places deeply committed to kids and community are tangled up in dozens of distractions that make it even harder to center relationships, to center human care.

The compelling thing is that these beautiful friends are not bitter, they don't carry a burden; they continue to carry hope and love, so much love for their students and their families. They exchanged updates, heartbreaking ones and celebrations. Being surrounded last night by these women reminded me the relationships always need to come first. I know this to be true, but sometimes I let myself get caught up in the spreadsheet, the data analysis, the accountability.  It was a grounding reminder to sit surrounded buy these warrior women whose tools are warmth and eye contact, an open stance, handholding and silences that make it clear they are present for the real work of lifetime success. What a gift to learn from my friends.