I’m traveling again today, and bought a magazine at the airport newsstand, a special treat for myself.
“How are you doing today?” the salesperson asked me.
“I’m OK; it’s almost Friday, right?” I replied almost automatically, a polite response but not thoughtful. I took a second to swipe my credit card, waiting to hit the right button and finish the purchase.
In those 3 seconds of waiting, I realized I hadn’t inquired back.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m fantastic!”
“Fantastic - wow! And it’s not even Friday yet.”
“You’re right, but it’s almost here, and I have no complaints, no complaints at all.”
A few seconds of quiet as I pressed the buttons and completed the transaction.
“Safe travels,” he cheerfully added to the end of our interaction.
“How are you doing today?” the salesperson asked me.
“I’m OK; it’s almost Friday, right?” I replied almost automatically, a polite response but not thoughtful. I took a second to swipe my credit card, waiting to hit the right button and finish the purchase.
In those 3 seconds of waiting, I realized I hadn’t inquired back.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m fantastic!”
“Fantastic - wow! And it’s not even Friday yet.”
“You’re right, but it’s almost here, and I have no complaints, no complaints at all.”
A few seconds of quiet as I pressed the buttons and completed the transaction.
“Safe travels,” he cheerfully added to the end of our interaction.
What a helpful reminder of a different response to “How are you?”, a model of what it might mean to center gratitude and joy, possibilities and hope, rather than the slog of work or proximity to the weekend (ie, not working). When folks ask "How are you?" do they really want to know? And no matter their intent, I'm going to try responding like today's salesperson, with positive energy that spreads some goodness in the world. "I'm fantastic today - and I hope there's something fantastic in your life, too."
Sometimes the greatest nuggets can be found in everyday interactions. This is a great lesson and I intend to start responding in the positive. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI've been able to stay in this mode for a few days, and it really has helped shift my own energies.
DeleteI love that response! Someone once told me that when asked that question they always respond with, "I'm happy." I should try one of these, too. Afterall, who really wants to hear complaining?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about the need for honesty and not falling into "toxic positivity" (my daughter shred this phrase with me), so if not "I'm happy" (if it's not my truth), I can go with "I'm looking for happiness" or "I'm trying to focus on the positives" - of which there are always a few.
DeleteShout out to all the folks who manage to respond with candor and those who share their zest for life without hesitation.
ReplyDeleteYes, Sherri - I'm thinking of the importance of that word "candor" - the need to speak our truth. I like the business book "Radical Candor" and have learned a bit about how important that can be, too.
DeleteI loved your response. I could feel the joy radiating from you and your magazine purchase.
ReplyDeleteVery few people truly want to hear the negative stuff when they ask how are you?
I once read that if we really want to know how someone is, we might ask "How are you today?" (emphasize the "today") to signify that "I really do want to know how you're doing, I'm not just being polite." Ways to spread joy on asking AND responding.
DeleteYou wrote about something I have often wondered about and I like the takeaway you share.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm trying to shift my practice a bit, but it takes a lot of awareness :)
DeleteMy mom worked for a Japanese company, and I remeber her telling me a story once. A man asked her when someone asks how are you, why Americans never stay to hear the answer. We are always in a hurry and we usually say it in passing but not necessarily to get an answer. Your post has me thinking about how to answer this question.
ReplyDeleteAh, Leigh Anne, this is telling - we ask the question, but don't take the beat to listen, really listen, to the answer. I'm trying to do better!
DeleteLisa, what a precious post. I'm glad you learned something from this man at the news stand. I so loved your idea to do this: "to center gratitude and joy, possibilities and hope" Yes, I want to do that too, and it can start with the answer to the ubiquitous question, "How are you?"
ReplyDeleteYou noticed that list, Denise, of what I'm striving for - I have "gratitude, joy and hope" on a post-it near my desk, because I need a physical reminder.
Delete