"Comfort casserole" - thank you, Google images

I got some tremendously difficult news from a friend today. The foundation of her world is shaken. What can we say when we get a call like that?

I'm here for you.

What do you need?

You don't deserve this pain.

What happened is not OK.

I'm here for you.

I'm here for you.

I'm here for you.

Showing up for folks who are hurting, who are reeling from grief and anger and other BIG emotions, is not my strong suit. I can drop off a casserole. I will send you a card that lets you know I care. I will pray for you and get other faithful folks to pray for you, too. But to stand with you in your pain (and often times, to stand still with you) makes me nervous, makes me want to, well, get to the kitchen and make you a casserole. Emotional regulation is exhausting work and if I can avoid it, I do. But this friend needs me, and I want to say with fortitude: I'm here for you. I will be present, be still. Hold your hand or give you space, but stand with you. Witness the pain (in silence, or in rage - what do you need?).

I'm here for you.


Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 22, 2024 at 2:45 PM

    They are lucky to have you. This piece is authentic and raw and real. None of us know exactly how to show up in these times. And sometimes, the person who you are standing with doesn't know either. But together, you'll figure it out.

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    Replies
    1. Lisa VaheyMarch 22, 2024 at 5:04 PM

      Such good advice. It's not about the answers. It's about the standing there.

      Delete
  2. StaceyMarch 22, 2024 at 4:55 PM

    I know that we are probably from two different faith traditions, but I highly recommend Sharon Brous’ new book, THE AMEN EFFECT. it’s all about showing up for others at hard times and being part of a community. It is the best book I’ve read so far this year and I highly recommend it.

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    Replies
    1. Lisa VaheyMarch 22, 2024 at 5:06 PM

      I'm ordering it now - texts are a powerful learning tool for me, and just skimming the review, I can tell it's full of wisdom that's needed - for now, and for living every day.

      Delete
  3. StaceyMarch 22, 2024 at 4:57 PM

    Hit “publish” too soon.

    Like you, I send cards and make food, but I always feel like it isn’t enough.

    Your post reminds me that one of my closest friends is due for a text from me. She’s recently experienced a loss and checking in feels like the least I can do.

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